Jesus says that we should speak honestly and directly with each other, not in anger, but also not hiding the hurt that has been done. 

 Reading: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. Matthew 18: 15.

Good morning, happy Wednesday, and many blessings my dear family.

This morning’s Gospel (Matthew 18:15-20) reading gives us some real, concrete, step-by-step instructions from Jesus about how we should handle conflict.  Many people complain that the Bible is obtuse or otherwise hard to understand in its instruction to us.  In this passage, Jesus lays out a step-by-step plan for how one Christian should handle a disagreement with another member of the community.

In most churches today – and I don’t think Holyrood/Santa Cruz’s is any different than any other church – what typically happens when people disagree with each other is that the one who is upset says nothing to the person who has caused the upset.  But the angry person does talk to his or her friends and supporters and begins to gather sympathetic ears for a message that the other person has done the injured party wrong.  Soon there is a large and growing group who know of the wrong done and they all begin to search their own memory banks for examples of when the person wronged them as well.  Meanwhile, the person who is now being criticized and whose list of transgressions grows every day, has no idea that he or she has done anything to anyone.  Then when the problem ultimately comes to a head, the original issue has either been completely forgotten or has transformed into something entirely different than the slight it started as.  Meanwhile, the person who started it all with some relatively minor act has become a major villain, – simply from the power of bad feelings, insinuation, and accusations, simmering over time.  This is precisely what Jesus talks about in Matthew 18.

Jesus lays out how these things are to be handled by a Christian community.  And quite simply, His prescription is to talk about things openly, honestly, and directly, person-to-person.  Jesus wanted people who had been hurt to talk directly to the one who hurt them and to lay things out in an honest fashion, in hopes of having the issues worked out.  Jesus doesn’t say, “Ambush them.”  And neither does He say, “Meet at high noon, in the middle of Main Street and shoot it out.  Let the best person win.”  Instead, He says that we should speak honestly and directly with each other, not in anger, but also not hiding the hurt that has been done.  Now note that He does not suggest that one person should be the winner and one the loser.  No … what He wants from this direct communication is reconciliation.  Both parties getting back, as much as is possible, to a place of shared care and concern – of forgiveness and understanding.

Jesus wants all of His people to be reconciled to one another, not so that one is right, and one is wrong, but that both can come together and put their differences behind them.  Or, as St. Paul told the Romans, “Let’s therefore throw off the works of darkness, and let’s put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly, as in the day; …not in strife and jealousy.”  But Jesus doesn’t give His instructions so that the person who has sinned against gets a free pass.  What He really wants is for the person who has been sinned against to engage in forgiveness, so that that person can get his or her life back in order, no longer bound by anger and resentment that can extinguish the flame of Christian love.

Blessings,

Fr. Luis+